The Musings of Bell
by A Timid Soul
Summary: This book is the property of: Bell. The inner workings of the Scholar known as Bell. Companion piece to Shadowing the Warden.
1. Entry 1

_Author's Note_: All right. I'm gonna give this a shot. This entry is short because Aedan cut it short. I'll try to put what chapter the entry corresponds with so it makes more sense. Hope you enjoy! Oh, and let me know if the italics annoy you. I was going for the handwriting effect, but whatever. I can change it.

Corresponding Chapter: 29

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><p>Day 01<p>

_Bought this journal right before I left Redcliffe. Don't know why; I guess to remember the memories and all that. I think I'm actually going to miss this place. The people here are incredibly welcoming. Especially Lizzie. Maybe I'll come back to visit one day._

_Got some armor here as well (Thank the Maker!) and no one noticed my typical elven build. Very relieved._

_Heading off to Dalish next. I'm rather nervous; I'm positive the elves with know I have elven blood in me. Not quite sure how they'll react to me._

_Aedan being surprisingly jerkish after missing my birthday. Two can play at this game my friend._

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><p><em>Aedan still ignoring me.<em>

_I didn't think I'd be this upset seeing as I don't feel this is a real relationship. He needs a girl so he feels good about himself and all that other "manly" stuff. I don't mind the attention although it does freak me out; I'm not used to it and I don't think I'll ever be._

_But seriously, it's just my birthday. Why is he _


	2. Entry 2

Day 03 (Chapter 31)

_Well, let's work backwards, shall we?_

_Family Reunion._

_The group needed to resupply and of course the nearest town just had to be Redford. Needless to say, I had to lead the group while I'm all tied up with worries and emotions, and they are just blissfully unaware of the meaning of this village to me._

_I noticed Marge and Dustin long before they noticed me. They were bickering over what to get for dinner (typical) and when they turned, my heart nearly stopped. Of course, they didn't notice me until we were about five feet away. I almost ran three times that day. It's pretty sad that I'm intimidated by my younger siblings._

_Dustin is now seventeen and is tall and brawny, much like the descriptions of their father. I swear all I needed to do was put a sword on his back and he'd be ready to go._

_Marge was delicate little Marge. She reminds me so much of Mother. She's fifteen now and starting to look like a woman. I can't believe she's all grown up. To think she'll be married off soon. Hopefully not to that brute Jason. I know they're wealthy, but she shouldn't have to put up with him. _

_Anyway, the two were relatively happy to see me. Marge was upset that I left her and ran off into the woods. Had to use my trusty bow to get her out of that one. Needless to say, I had a lot of explaining to do._

_Dustin was better at handling my arrival. He understood. Although the news of my blood was a bit much. He never really thought about it, I'm sure; he's always been so accepting._

_I think that Marge will forgive me. Well, I hope she does. No, I think I hope she gets over it. Doesn't let it hold her down any. She's a good kid; I wouldn't want to ruin her life with my story._

_So I think they finally know everything. Well, not __everything__, of course. But mostly everything. What they don't know won't hurt them._

_I'm going to miss those two. And I actually cried on my own accord today, no acting. Real tears sting so much more._

_I managed to miss meeting Mother. Both Marge and Dustin said she misses me. I know they're just saying that. That woman never loved me. __**Never**__. _

_On a lighter note, I saw Marty. Good ole Marty. He's still the same. Figures._

_On Aedan_

_So, I'm backtracking a few days. Pardon me if my facts are a bit askew._

_As my last entry hints, I was cut off from my writing._

_Aedan decided to take me on some walk to work out our differences, or at least that's what I initially thought._

_Turns out, he planned a secluded little dinner. It was actually a bit romantic. Who knew the Cousland had it in him?_

_I fiddled around on the lute (much to Aedan's surprise) had some cake and cocoa when Aedan pulls out a belated birthday present._

_I'm not one to take gifts, but this was special so I took it. And am I glad I took it._

_It's a necklace with a dragon scale on it._

_Now, I'm no expert on dragons, but from what little I read at the Order, dragons don't exactly go around losing their scales all over the place. Well, not the scale I have. He claimed he found it on the ground, but I'm not so sure. It looks too good to be from the ground. Either way, it's not your average scale, but it's beautiful._

_Then of course came bed time and Aedan managed to swipe some of my clothes and bring them to the camp. Well, "our" camp thing. Whatever it was, he brought my clothes there and there was the awkward predicament of changing. Aedan was a good boy and didn't look, but of course, he doesn't tell me that he's changing, so I look up to see him standing in nothing but his pants. Oh my innocence! Although I do have to admit, he back was very toned. I was rather impressed._

_And then we shared a bed._

_No, we did not do anything (I don't think I could live with myself if we did) and it got me to thinking._

_Aedan has some very attractive women following him around in his group. And not to mention the women in the villages that practically drape themselves over him. And yet he picks me. Maybe he does really like me. Maybe this isn't some male dominance act. I may have to reconsider my feelings. It's strange when I look at him and my heart starts fluttering._

_But enough of all this rambling (As if I'm actually talking to someone). We're getting closer to the Dalish each day. _

_Oh Maker. I'm not ready for this._


	3. Entry 3

Corresponding Chapter: 34

_I met my father recently._

_His name is Rolim Fellmirr._

_It was quite…unnerving. I wasn't sure what to do or feel._

_So, being me, I ran into the forest._

_What a bloody fool._

_I can't say that I hate the man; he loved mother and me, and his reasons for leaving are his own._

_But I wish that he would've contacted me somehow._

_And maybe that he was human._

_Life would have been so much easier. _

_There would be no secrets or hiding. I would be normal. I might even be a full fledged Master Scholar by now. I could be happily living with Marge and Dustin and maybe even love mother. Yes, __**love**__ mother._

_But I guess Marge and Dustin wouldn't be there if mother had married Rolim. At least something good came out of mother's second marriage._

_Or was it her first? Did she ever marry Rolim? Are there any other siblings I don't know about? _

_Rolim doesn't seem to be married, not that I could tell at least._

_Although he did wear a ring._

_I'm not quite sure._

_It's strange to think that Rolim is my father._

_After all these years of thinking and dreaming, I had created my version of this man without giving him any opportunity to show himself. I had judged him before I even saw him, and when I did meet him, I fled._

_And yet he saved me from death._

_Ran through a forest to find me bleeding out on the ground. He carried me back through a nasty storm that fell upon the forest, and I was told that he stayed with me for a whole day until Lanaya told him to leave._

_I think he truly does love me._

_It took me a while to accept this man. I believe that he is good; everyone has their faults._

_I wish I would've questioned him, but I thought it would be too intrusive. I can wait until another time, though. It will allow me to reflect on what I've learned._

_Oh and when I ran into the forest, I ran straight into a bear._

_How wonderful._

_I now have a scar on my right arm as a permanent memento of my skirmish with the creature and as of now, my arm still hurts._

_And yet I'm writing._

_I also watched a halla calf die that day._

_I don't know why that image haunts me so much._

_Did I not see the dead bodies of servants strewn on the ground during the siege of the Cousland Castle? Did I not smell the blood of the innocent? Surely the pale faces of death would haunt my dreams?_

_But no._

_The small halla does._

_Maybe it's because the halla was so innocent. Maybe it was because it's frantic bleating suddenly twisted into the blood-curdling scream of the dying._

_Whatever the reason, that image stays with me._

_I am convinced it has chased away all childish thoughts in me._

_But I am still ignorant Bell to the rest of the group. They know not of my brush with death._

_It's strange isn't it?_

_Although Death takes life away, it has the uncanny ability to show you how much life is worth._

_I must take my leave now._

_I have been plagued with headaches all day. _


	4. Entry 4

Corresponding Chapter: 35

_Just snuck back from the Alienage, and I'm trying to look busy._

_But it is time for an update._

_I just learned of the monstrous deed that Loghain has condoned: slavery._

_I knew something was wrong when I examined the Alienage, and I couldn't be more right._

_The orphanage was haunted by a rage demon._

_Poor Ser Otto; the demon killed him, the poor blind man, and we couldn't save him. We had to walk back through a bloody and grotesque orphanage. Children's' spirits whispered to us and small hands left cryptic messages in blood on the walls._

_It was a place I was all too happy to leave._

_But the horror didn't end there._

_The Alienage claims that Blight sickness is plaguing its people, yet I find that hard to believe; Denerim is a long way away from Ostagar and other blighted lands._

_However, I managed to feign this sickness and gain entrance to the alleged quarantine. Within, I found a note dealing with the amount of slaves needed and how many were left in the Alienage. _

_And there is no way that Loghain can be ignorant of such actions._

_It is monstrous, utterly deplorable. How can a man let this happen? They are not creatures to be sold; they are people!_

_But that is a topic for another time._

_This blood will not leave my hands._

_Or maybe guilt weighs too heavily on my heart._


End file.
